Monday, December 1, 2014

Cross Anatomy

This chart is from a website called Wrong Hands ( ). I've got to hand it to the creator of this, Mr. John Atkinson.  This works and can be plugged in to most movies I've seen.  However I'm unfamiliar with the majority of Art House films so I'll have to take his word for it in that category.  However I can picture myself running away screaming from the movie theater sometime during the "abrupt arbitrary edits" segment of the film.  By minute 270 I'd probably be looking for refuge at the bottom of a Jack-In-The-Box milkshake, trying desperately to unsee whichever art house film I'd subjected myself to.  Or bleeding from my eyes.
I tried to plug in the recent Hobbit movies since I've been recently re-watching them.  Yes, I know.  Hobbit purists please curb your anger.  I've read it too and know how much filler was added.  I choose to enjoy them for what they are and take solace in the fact that Jar Jar isn't involved.  And no, I don't consider Radigast the Brown to be the Jar Jar of the Hobbit movies.  Anyway... where was I?

Oh yes, the Hobbit movies would have to combine the "Action" with the "Sci-Fi" to work here in my opinion.  I had to look up who John Williams is because I suppose I'm not enough of a movie geek to already know he did the music for the Star Wars prequels and the Harry Potter movies. For the "Action" influence the tacked-on white orc works for the "heavily accented villain" but "AC/DC" would probably have to be replaced with, I don't know... Enya?  The cable car sequence part is represented by the goblin bridge chase/fall in the first movie and the barrel ride in the second movie.

For the "Sci-Fi" part of the mash-up the "techno-babble" is easily replaced with the history of Dale and the King Under the Mountain.  And "angry orcs and dragon" fills in nicely for the "angry robots...".  After that I don't think any other changes are necessary.

For your homework in the comments section, please create your own timeline for the following movie types not shown in the chart:

Buddy Comedy
Christmas Movie
Thriller (Basic Instinct, for example)
Kids Movie