Whither Rockycop?

I think it was in 1989 that a friend of mine called me up and told me they were filming Robocop 2 downtown in my city. He asked me if I wanted to go and see if we could watch some of it being filmed. Not being a common thing around here I decided to go with him to see what we could see. The majority of what we saw turned out to be the opening sequence of the movie. lots of storefronts were covered with facades and were painted in neon colors. There was a parking lot upon which was being built a wooden structure for the sole purpose of being destroyed in the movie. I don't remember being too excited until we found out that something was actually being filmed the moment we were there.

It was a scene in which Robocop was stepping out of his police car and the shot was of the bottom of a car door and his foot hitting the street. "All right!" I thought, "I get to see Peter Weller!" Sadly, no. It was Robocop's leg but it wasn't Peter Weller in it. Not being aware of the economics of Hollywood at the time, it didn't occur to me that having Mr. Weller in the robotic leg would cost considerably more than "Ernie Muckenfuch" in said leg. They must have filmed that leg coming out of the car 700 times. Hard as it may be to believe, it got a little old after about the 643rd time. I know, I'm as surprised as you! Anyway we had our fill and since they were in no hurry to include our (most likely) grubby selves in the movie, we made our exit.

Now I told you that story to tell you about this one. Much to my dismay, I read the following in a recent article:

"There are not any plans to erect a statue of RoboCop," the response on Bing's Twitter account read. "Thank you for your suggestion."-Dave Bing, Mayor of Detroit


Now don't get me wrong, the fact that I read it didn't dismay me, it was the content. Just getting that out of the way. Read the full article here. But still, the injustice of it all (no pun intended). Clearly Hizzoner has no intention of lifting a little finger to revive his threadbare city! No, they don't have to put it up at the top of a set of stairs or in front of a police station. Such prominence might detract from the poetic beauty of the city. Instead they could put it in a more appropriate place such as the basement of a crumbling building, or maybe a chemical waste facility. Surely there are more than one of those around there.

Think of the tourist trade! The dollars lost simply by people trying to find the statue would reach in the hundreds at least! Am I overusing my interjections in this paragraph!? I'm afraid we must consign ourselves to the fact that, at least in the Bing administration, Detroit will have to carry on without it's shining example of heroism.

Missed opportunities.

trailer for Robocop

trailer for Robocop 2

p.s.-In keeping with continuity of this site, I think I saw Robocop 2 in a dollar cinema. Or maybe not.

Mamma Dearest

Please welcome our guest blogger for this edition, Brick Lunkknuckle. Mr. Lunkknuckle has been a long-time reader of TDP and provided the following submission for your reading enjoyment. For those of you out there who are husbands and have run this gauntlet, you will heal.

Every man does things for his wife for no other reason than to make her happy. It’s the nature of marriage. We squawk and brag about wearing the pants in the family, but you know there are things that you do that you would rather not let the other guys know about. And I’m not talking about holding her purse, going to the opera, or not smacking her brother even when he really deserves it. Those belong to a category of stereotypical things that every man does, and if you do something in that category, we all nod inwardly and think of a similar thing we do for our own spouse. No, I’m talking about the really embarrassing things that you’d rather not anyone know about. Things like donning a dress so she could pin the hem. Or learning what a word like ‘taupe’ or ‘taffeta’ means and correctly using it in a sentence. Or watching ice dancing. Unless you’re a Neanderthal, there’s something your wife wants from that category, and you’ve done it.

For me, it’s listening to ABBA. Yes, that ABBA. Hiney-shakin’, pants-suit-wearin’, free-lovin’ seventies Swedish super-group ABBA. My wife, being a musical type, loves ABBA and whenever we go to her mothers’ house, the cassette goes in the car and we end up listening to their gold album of ‘hits’ (they were huge in Denmark). Now this has been going on for years, and I hesitate even now to admit it. But you can nip any manly protest of outrage or snort of derisive laughter in the bud right now, because I know there’s something comparable in your closet. If there isn’t, then you haven’t been married very long, or won’t be much longer. As stated before, it’s the nature of marriage. I bring forth this revelation for your own good and the protection of your very sanity. You see the music of ABBA was the inspiration for stage musical that ran in New York and possibly some flyover territory. It was well received by the Will & Grace crowd and was the toast of the town for some time. It was then, after that initial success, that it mutated into the movie, Mamma Mia!.

Mamma Mia! stars Meryl Streep, Remington Steele, and that British actor from The King’s Speech and tells the story of a young blonde chick getting married at the hotel her mother owns on some Greek Island . She wants to invite her dad to the wedding, but she has no idea who daddy is. So she invites the three past loves of her mother, the tramp, and wonder of impractical movie plotline wonders, they all show up at the same time! No, I’m not making this up. Now mind you, this was not a movie we rented, but rather it was one of those moments where I was tired at the end of the day, and just wanted something mindless to watch. There was nothing. And I mean nothing. No video tape shows of anyone getting racked, or “How they Make Doorknobs” documentaries. No “History of Sex”, no sports. There wasn’t even a stinkin’ “Law & Order” on, and that’s saying something. I’m not sure what happened next. I was tired, nodding off. I woke and my wife had the remote. I know, I know! You don’t have to say it. Next thing I know I’m hearing, “oh, I’ve heard this was fun,” and we were watching Mamma Mia!. I didn’t see the danger when I scanned the channels earlier. Apparently my brain didn’t even register that as a viewing possibility, sort of like a Spanish channel or BET.

My limbs were weak. I couldn’t move. The abomination that unfolded before me was sucking the very life out of me. It wasn’t a train wreck. No, a train wreck is something you watch with horrified fascination, unable to tear yourself away from the awesome spectacle of sheer raw carnage. No, my friends, this was like watching a botched liposuction. It’s not something you would want to see in the first place, but on top of that you can tell it was going horribly, horribly wrong. If you ever find yourself accidentally seeing this movie, do yourself a favor and gouge your eyes out. And it being a musical, puncture your eardrums as well. Induce vomiting. Run screaming through the nearest closed window. Do anything to distract yourself and your spouse. Set fire to the cat.

No, I shouldn’t say that. I mean, I wouldn’t want my vitriolic rhetoric to cause any harm to come to a cat. Not only would it be unfair to the cat, but the ensuing sound wouldn’t be distinct enough from that which emanates from the movie. Meryl Streep can’t sing. I mean, I know she’s the best actress of her generation. Everybody says so. You can tell because she can weep on demand and her fake accent sounds distinctly non-American whether she has a farm in Africa or a bridge in Madison County . But she can’t sing. And watching her try to sing “Money, money, money” with a backup chorus of fat Greek washer women was particularly excruciating. And as a brief aside, can we really feel sympathy for someone who is lamenting about not having enough money when she owns a freakin’ hotel on an idyllic Greek island? I mean the setup was straight from the Menopausal Wymyn’s Guide to Dream Sequences. She sings, she laments over wine with her best friends laughing and giggling about how done they are with men. I was waiting for one of them to mention that waiter, what was his name? Jean Luc!

So the daddies arrive and are implausibly stowed by babycakes up a ladder into a storage room. Seconds later Streep secretly discovers the trio and launches into the title song. Now, she seems to know she can’t sing, because while huskily belting out lyrics that have absolutely nothing to do with the situation, she is acting. I mean act-TING, man. She’s surprised! She’s flustered! She swoons indecisively! She flits under, beside and above the room, peeking in this way and that, clearly torn by long-suppressed desire and revulsion of anything with a pen1s. The words she sings are ridiculously mismatched with the scene, so she conveys emotions with her hands, her eyes, her head. I mean this made Kabuki look dull. She’s acting so hard with her whole body it was like epileptic performance art. But damn, she must have been good at it. I mean she is the best actress of her generation. Everybody says so.

Anyway, the rest of the movie went downhill from there. Stay away from this atrocity at all costs, if you value your sanity. While I mentioned the things we do for our wives above, under no circumstances should watching this movie be one of them. If only I’d had a good friend to warn me ahead of time, as I do now for you. Save yourselves. I thought it I could handle it, getting some brownie points from the wife. I was wrong. Dead wrong. I feel scarred by this event, and I only watched 8 minutes of the movie. Just think if I’d seen the whole thing. …shudder…

trailer for Mamma Mia

trailer for The King's Speech

mix of ABBA songs

Law and Order (before it became silly)

All Tomorrow's Blogs

It's a new year and I resolve to renew my tradition of one post/review per month. I actually have seen a movie or two that I plan(ned) on reviewing. Included in that category is GI Joe and Despicable Me, the former via Netflix and the latter via my trusty dollar cinema. Speaking of which, there were some changes made at said dollar cinema that I disapprove of but that's another story. Anyway I never got around to writing any of them due to several instances where life just got in the way.

In the mean time I'd like to congratulate our considerable stable of bloggers here at Ten Dollar Popcorn for earning yet another award!


2010 was a good year and it's well deserved indeed. I'd like to thank all four of our readers for their support.

Hardware Wars, Redux

It... It's like a train wreck. I couldn't stop staring at it. It's hideous, yet beautiful. When I was in High School some friends of mine and I made a movie or two on 8mm video, it didn't even have audio (we were rockin' it old school) and our budget consisted of whatever materials we could scrounge from our houses. What I'm about to introduce you to is videos with production value that is not much better than that, but there's a twist. Each video is a scene from Star Wars: A New Hope and they have been strung together in order to re-create the entire movie. I was reminded of a spoof of Episode IV called Hardware Wars when I was watching it. If I can find that on Youtube I'll link it also and you can decide for yourself.

I know what you're thinking "That sounds awful!". I can only give you partial credit for that response. It is awful, but magnificent at the same time. Dare I say, Awesomely Awesome. I'll tease you no more, the title is Star Wars Uncut and the link is below. If, in the future I can post those old 8mm movies I made with some friends then I will. Currently negotiations have stalled but we are working with a editor from the History Channel (no kidding, really!) to get them transferred to digital.

Star Wars Uncut

trailer for Star Wars

Hardware Wars Pt 1

Hardware Wars Pt 2

"I Heard You Paint Houses"

Looks like a new mobster movie is coming out from Martin Scorsese. Marty is bringing out the big guns (De Niro, Pesci) this time for a film adaptation of the true crime book "I Heard You Paint Houses" by Charles Brandt. It'll be called The Irishman after the subject of the book, Frank "The Irishman" Sheeran. It's a first hand account of the Union thuggery of Sheeran under the management of Jimmy Hoffa. "I heard you paint houses" is how Hoffa introduced himself to Sheeran. It alludes to the splatter of blood on the wall after a hitman kills his target. Sheeran was a killer, Hoffa needed a killer, it was a match made in somewhere other than Heaven. It goes on to describe the downfall of Hoffa and how Sheeran had a part in the murder and disappearance of him. It reads like one of those "of course, well that makes sense" types of solutions of history's mysteries. Of course, as good as it reads, as believable as it sounds, one never knows. I liked the book a lot but you won't catch me trotting it out as Gospel when someone suggests a theory of the final whereabouts of Jimmy Hoffa.
Will it be as good as Goodfellas and Casino? They were both based on true stories too. Truth be told, I liked Goodfellas better, in part because although they changed the name of the story from Wiseguy to Goodfellas, they kept the real names of the characters. On that topic, they maintained the title of Casino but changed the names of the characters and locations in that movie. Wonder why? I think it has the potential of completing a "trilogy" of sorts if this maintains the endless soundtrack style of Goodfellas and Casino. Did anyone see the 1992 movie Hoffa with Jack Nicholson and Danny DeVito? DeVito was supposed to be a combination of several characters, including Frank Sheeran. Not a bad movie but not as good as I expected either. Still, I look forward to this movie and I will be happy to pass my brilliant musings about it on to you once it gets to my trusty dollar cinema. Oh, this one is supposed to have Al Pacino in it too. A+ in advance if he uses his Godfather voice and not his carnival barker voice he used in The Devil's Advocate.

link to article about The Irishman

trailer for Goodfellas

trailer for Casino

trailer for Hoffa

trailer for The Godfather

trailer for The Devil's Advocate

Top Gun 2: Electric Boogaloo

Can it be true? Will there really be a sequel to Top Gun? Well, all I know so far is that it'll probably be about a cocky young female pilot... er, Naval Aviator instead of a cocky young male Naval Aviator. Sadly it also seems that our old pal Maverick will not be played by Tom "glib" Cruise. On that note I kind of doubt that "Iceman" will return since Val Kilmer's, well, not in flying shape just now.

And what about the commander that was Marty McFly's principal in Back to The Future, will he make it back? I'll have to do some more research. I don't want to rely on fan sites and Hollywood gossip rags so I figure I'll just speculate wildly and if any of it actually happens then I'll claim to be a genius. I suppose since Dr. Green died in that eject scene in Top Gun then he'll probably not be back in Top Gun 2, whatever the name of it will be. Oh, wait! Maybe it can be a zombie movie and he can come back. Or, better still he can come back in some sort of Obi Wan "ghost" capacity.

Well we all know that "Mav" wanted to be an instructor for Top Gun so how will the movie makers handle that? Will they try to resolve the inconsistency with some back story or will they just gloss over and hope you forget about it like so many loose ends from the Star Wars prequels. I got it I got it! Tim Robbins can reprise his role as "Merlin" and HE can be the new Top Gun instructor and the cocky new female pilot can be his mom, Susan Sarandon. Well, no. Come to think of it, that may not work after all.

Now. for your enjoyment. The return of the Ten Dollar Popcorn Players doing their rendition of the 1st classroom scene of Top Gun. Red Robot is "Viper" and Speakerface is the new "Maverick".

Blarney and Bullets!

A few friends find unlimited joy in making fun of my taste in television shows. Particularly when I try to get them to watch Top Gear on BBC America. Now I know very little about cars. Sure, I can maintain a few things but when it comes to actual car knowledge my philosophy is:

I break it. Mechanic fixes it. Together we're a team.

But it is a car show with actual automotive knowledge distribution. But that doesn't matter because I can't afford any of the cars portrayed on the show anyway. Yet. BWA-HAHAHAHAHA! *cough* sorry. Actually, even the American made cars on the show are models they don't sell in America so there's no value there either. The show is great because of the dry and (often) self-effacing humor of the hosts. Any other description would not do it justice, you just have to see it for yourself.

While I was searching the channels one night to find an episode of Top Gear, I noticed a movie that I once had interest in seeing but not enough to pay for it. Miller's Crossing(1990) was coming on another station so I hit 'record' and noticed it was getting late so I recorded the episode of Top Gear also and went to bed.

When I finally found time to watch Miller's Crossing I found out it was a Cohen Brother's film. Despite that fact it had no young married couples trying to kidnap a baby, no 1930's chain gangers re-enacting the Odyssey, and even though it was a gangster movie, it had no hit-men being shoved in wood-chippers. This one is about an Irish mobster in the early 1930s that gets involved in a made for TV plot line. Ooh, that was kind of a harsh way to start this. Allow me to start over.

Tom (Gabriel Byrne) is the main character in this version of the prohibition mobster movie. But the strange part is, there is no "big score" or "big take down" or "escape" theme to the story. It's also not the "Biography of Tom the Mobster". So what is it? Well, for starters Tom is an advisor to a New York crime boss, not the typical drug dealer, stick-up man, assassin, or wheel man of your typical gangster movie. So he's already made it pretty far in his chosen profession. But he's got problems. He's in way over his head with bad gambling debt and he can't stop making those bad bets. His boss Leo (Albert Finney) doesn't seem to care what Tom thinks even though he's his advisor and truly seems to like Tom. He's in a love/hate relationship with Verna (Marcia Gay Hardin) that is indifferent to him as he is to her. I know, that sounds like it doesn't make sense, but if you see the movie you know what I mean. Overall he's an aggressively unappealing character. Add this room-clearing personality to a plot that has no main direction and you've got a made for TV movie. Albeit with really good directors.

Why Doesn't Tom Care?

I know I've been kind of vague about what the plot is, well that's because it's not very memorable. Tom is trying to stop a gang war between his boss and another boss. That seems like you could make a pretty good story from that right? Well, yes but then you'd probably have the main character actually apply some effort to his task. That didn't happen here. I thought, maybe if I compared this to another mobster movie, a classic, then I'd learn a little about why this one didn't appeal to me. So I watched The Public Enemy with James Cagney from 1931. This one didn't have a "big score" plot either but it was a "story of my life" movie and apparently a very popular one since it was played 24 hours a day to packed movie theaters for a while after it was released.

If this post wasn't so long already I'd break down some other mobster movies and compare them to this one so I'll be happy to leave that conversation to the comments section.

So if you want a mobster movie about a slacker wiseguy that really doesn't care about his life, job, or the people he associates with then I highly recommend Miller's Crossing to you. Otherwise go rent The Godfather, The Godfather part II, Goodfella's, Casino, or even The Public Enemy if you haven't seen it before. Just don't lose sleep over missing Miller's Crossing, and by the way don't ever watch The Godfather Part III. PeeeYoooo! What a stinker that was!

Trailer for Millers Crossing

Trailer for The Public Enemy

Trailer for The Godfather

Trailer for The Godfather Part II

Trailer for Goodfellas

Trailer for Casino

Top Gear TV show

I refuse to link to anything involving The Godfather Part III